Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
