better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
