If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
