I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
