Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
