It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
