he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
