All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
