no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
