you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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