Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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