i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
