I wannas sexs uuuuu
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
