Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize