I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
