I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
