He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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