i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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