i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
