for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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