I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
