life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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