Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
