My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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