so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
