I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
