How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
