You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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