Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Do vagina's smell?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
