There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
