I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
