Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
