"it" just moved
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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