I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
