Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
