but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
