You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
