my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize