Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
