well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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