This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
