her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
