Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My pussy is not your playground.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
BRING THE BAGELS
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
