Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
