For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
