Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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