If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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