i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
