i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
