Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
