i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
