Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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