...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
