After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
