After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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