"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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