Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
