Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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