She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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