Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize