i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
