Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
