waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
