haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
