Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
