If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
