He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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