I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
