I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The feeling are messing with the penis
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize